I’ve one eye for darkness and one for the light There’s one for below and one up where it’s bright I’ve singular vision but excellent sight I see you in sunshine, I’ll see you tonight. I’ve an eye for the sails and the winds and the sun And one for belowdecks, the treasure, and guns I can’t see to deep, with only this one But I see every thread in each web that is spun c: Aye, aye aye aye, aye aye aye, my eyepatch My eyewear’s corrective One eye’s protective behind my eyepatch Half introspective, I’ve lost perspective behind my eyepatch Aye, aye aye aye, aye aye aye, my eyepatch.
I’ve an eye to your mind as it lights your green eyes And an eye to your heart as a coveted prize My third eye can see you right down to the thighs Each dark and light detail is visualized I’ve one eye I’ve hidden and one more eye yet I see so much more than your mere silhouette I see you’re a blonde, but there’s part that’s brunette- I see your dry wit, but there’s part that is wet c. g. I’ve one eye that’s ever so grateful we met The one eye that’s hidden is racked with regret I’ve one eye that sees it was always a dream And one eye that thinks that things are as they seem I’ve one eye that’s blackened by what lies below And one eye delighted for light that you show I’ve one eye for darkness and one for the light There’s one for below and one up where it’s bright c.
My ship was at anchor, her carriage was stuck, As the plague and the storm racked the world Though safe from the lightning I was thunderstruck By the grace and the light from this girl The shelter was brutal, a tavern so low That the rats had all left it to mice On Valentine’s Night with the fire aglow, We were there, I was hers, she was nice.
c: The Innkeeper’s a brute, but he’ll always stand mute Keeping secrets held under his sign Her Coachmen retired, the embers caught fire With the stealing of this Valentine And the loves that I’ve had were none to this one It’s only when at sea that a Pirate’s in the sun But I never did see any woman to shine As the one that I stole for my one Valentine
She lent me her body on Valentine’s Day, I’d give her my heart if I could. I knew the next morning she’d be on her way For that Valentine’s night was too good Her house would not free her, my ship had to sail The secret was sealed with a kiss- The weight that we’d fail was too great on the scale For the fates did not favor our tryst.
c: The Keeper’s a brute, but he’ll always stand mute Keeping secrets held under his sign Her Coachmen retired, the embers caught fire With the stealing of this Valentine And the Valentines I’ve had were none to this one And it’s only when at sea that a Pirate’s in the sun But I never did see any woman to shine As the one that I stole for my one Valentine
Her eyes were like sea-glass, her hair honey-gold Her skin was confection, so sweet Her lips burned a keyhole right down to my soul While the storm lashed the roof and the street This crystal decanter she left me that night It holds her light, though far away But I was too dark to expect that she might Give me more than one Valentine’s Day.
We are true, we are valiant We’ve always been free, For the beauty that’s tallied Is more than we see, And we take from the world What she chooses to give, For we wake and unfurl, And the black flag’s a sieve For to strain out the falsehoods That hypocrites rig, As they quake as they should At the sight of my wig.
And we fly our own flags, And we sail our own seas, We’ve no ties, and no gags, And no chains, only keys: For we seek for adventure To win what is ours, And you’re one of us sure If you look to the stars For the sky is as high and As deadly and big As the terror inspired By my regal wig
We are fierce, we are stunning With cannons and swords With our arms, with our cunning we will vanquish our lords For we’re rough and we’re fine And we don’t give a fig, For their crowns are a hole Next to my regal wig
You admire my ferocious aspect, do you not? Of course And my Regal Wig, of course I didn’t always have this…this All this I was like…you! & then I woke up Under a pitiless sun I was half blind My right hand was gone I barely had a leg to stand on For I’d been cast away. I was marooned My best mates were dead The ship sailed without me I was condemned Everything was a lie And if I ever did make it home now Across measureless oceans I’d be gibbeted and hung I had no booty The gold I’d killed for was buried in an unknown place And they burned the cursed map I had no treasure just grievous injuries And I was adrift and so alone For even the parrot would not speak to me So. I was standing hopeless in the crashing surf It came in with the tide I thought it was a Portuguese Man-O -War It was my new wig. I built a raft. I found a crew. We stole this ship The Queen’s Revenge And so it is:
The treasure is buried For those that will dig And the magic I carry Is under my wig And the sea may be stormy The albatross frig, But the world lays before me In my regal wig.
When a Pirate’s spyglass is trained on the past; His deeds and the things he’s not done: That’s the Sea Witch, and all of the spells that she cast That’s left him becalmed in the Sun: On a sea that was still, with no sail and no mast, In the dark of more Dungeons than one, All the gold that was buried, his mates that have passed, And the battles and scars from the guns
c: It’s onward to treasure Be clever and free And look to your pleasures And watch what you see The Sea Witch can show you Some faraway dream And it never was true For it’s not what it seemed So train now your glass On the sea that’s ahead For all days will pass: Live your life ’til you’re dead.
All the love that he hoped for to prove with his sword, To bring back a booty of jewels; Those hopes were all dashed with no single reward, For to hope is the treasure of fools. He’ll stand there transfixed, with his duties ignored, Looking back like there’s meaning, or rules: For a Pirate, tomorrow is all that’s aboard, And all his lost loves are now Ghouls.
He’ll be haunted and still as the ship nears the shoal, And the enemy’s cannons are trained On his chance to release from the Sea Witch his soul, For she holds it in thrall with his brains. It’s a whirlpool, his ship is not in his control, The blood is all ice in his veins: A Pirate can’t dare to regret what he stole, For the past is the devil’s domain.
It was once that I was handsome It was once when I was young I was hard and fast and seventeen In service to the Queen I lost my hand to the cannons I lost my eye to the sword And I’m sorry for the things I’ve seen In service to the Queen
c: In service to the Queen- before In service to the Queen- no more! And I swear my revenge On her ships and her men In service to the Queen
My children were lost in the battle My wife was lost in the war And all of that now is a sad little dream in service to the Queen And my body is old and it’s broken And my mind is a horror of loss And everything seems kind of small and obscene in Service to the Queen c.c. For I thought I did her bidding And I faithful served her well She asked for my head- it was unforeseen In service to the Queen For I’ve been betrayed and cast away I thought she had a heart But she’s just a façade on a killing machine In service to the Queen GUITARRRR c.c. And I never will go home now For I’m truly lost at sea And all that awaits is that old guillotine In service to the Queen But she looked so perfect and pretty But she’s false and she’s empty and cold And she’s hollow and worthless; a mere figurine In service to the Queen c.c.c.
Well, the Rum only asks for one other Rum And the Grog makes you groggy all day And the Pale Ale and Wine It all seems so fine ‘Til you’re pissing your blood all away Well the Whiskey it risks me so terribly For it fills me and burns out my soul Every Port is a storm And I wish I weren’t born To be some kind of bottomless hole
c: And my Treasure Chest is empty Of my precious golden heart It was there but now it’s stolen And the Bottle had its part And I’ve poured the Bottle endlessly Upon the burning sands And I curse the day I found This empty Bottle in my hand
Well the Sherry we shared was promiscuous, And the Sack left me deep in the bag And the Champagne we drank Pushed me out on the plank And I’d cry out if not for the gag It’s a bottle of poison I’m hoisting It’s a demon uncorked that I’ve found And the Gin is beginning To look like it’s winning It’s high proof I’ve burned to the ground.
Please don’t disturb the Captain As he takes his blessed nap On his golden bed, that’s wrapped in Velvet curtains. Take this map! Plot our ship a fruitful course Through rough and rocky seas! Furthermore, some other chores: Hoist the mainsail, please!
c: Please- Don’t disturb the Captain The Captain’s awful rough He can’t be more disturbed He’s been disturbed enough.
Swab the decks! Feed the crew! And plug the leaks- and dance! The lido stage awaits you (And you mustn’t wear your pants) The captain also cut your pay Admire his moustache! Make bondage gear from macrame To sell for extra cash! c. g. Don’t try to ask the Captain, Don’t awake him with appeal The ship would soon be scrapped, in Moments, should he take the wheel He may have once known how to sail But now he sees mirages, He only works on cocktails And soliciting massages c. Now hark! The Captain rings his bell For brunch, with much impatience! Hasten! Cheese and caramels! -And offer him obeisance! g. c.
“Avast ye, me hearties! A ship to starboard! And she’s loaded with spices and silk!” “Do you think they have cream?” A pirate implored; “I prefer cream in tea, over milk.” The mate and the swabs chewed upon their hard tack With cutlasses sharpened, and knives: (Though some of them knitted , and some played with jacks, And some wrote sweet poems to their wives.)
c: The salt in the air and the wind in your hair All the secrets and strength of the sea The Hoist of the sail and the spout of the whale And the life of a Pirate is free The rum that we drank and the noose and the plank All ye buccaneers, swashbuckling savages, Horizons are open, we’re all of us hoping That we’re free to relent from the ravages And heal from our various damages
The parrot croaked, “murder!” and epithets foul, And the Captain lit candles in beard And adjusted his eyepatch, his hook and his scowl, And thought about wenches, and leered. But the swabs were distracted by talk of ballet, And the mate had to check on his fern, The gunners were busy with their macrame, And the pies in the oven would burn.
Soon the ship with rich booty was too far to see, And the Captain he hung up his hook, And sat down to crumpets and cupcakes and tea, And read a nice romantic book.