The Siren’s Call

She hears her ocean call
It echoes in her shell-like ears
And she casts one more glance at me
And casts herself into the sea
She’s in Poseidon’s thrall
His rolling waves engulf the tears
She’s weeping as she sings to me
And pulls me down into the sea

She comes for me each night
Down on the lonely shore
One of Triton’s daughters
She tastes of salty water
She sings and I can’t fight
I can’t resist her anymore
The siren sings her pretty song
To me, tonight but not for long

Once in her arms I find in tentacles I am entwined
Sinking down, down below, to fathom where the dead men go
The Captain surrenders, the crew will all fall
One by one to the sound of the siren’s call

There’s seaweed in her hair
Her skin is cold and blue
She’s singing underwater
The song the devil taught her
For her, a mere affair,
I’ll be forever true
She’s all I want, complete
Her lips are cold and sweet

She drags me down so deep
To realms of the Leviathan
To dark forbidden mysteries
That lie in wait beneath the sea
And this is where I’ll sleep
far from any sight of land
With one long kiss goodnight
She slowly rises to the light.

I hope she doesn’t weep for me, it’s really not too deep for me
I’ve simply traded light and air for one night in her watery lair…
The Captain surrenders, the crew will all fall
One by one to the sound of the siren’s call


I’ve one eye for darkness and one for the light
There’s one for below and one up where it’s bright
I’ve singular vision but excellent sight
I see you in sunshine, I’ll see you tonight.
I’ve an eye for the sails and the winds and the sun
And one for belowdecks, the treasure, and guns
I can’t see to deep, with only this one
But I see every thread in each web that is spun
Aye, aye aye aye, aye aye aye, my eyepatch
My eyewear’s corrective
One eye’s protective
behind my eyepatch
Half introspective,
I’ve lost perspective
behind my eyepatch
Aye, aye aye aye, aye aye aye, my eyepatch.

I’ve an eye to your mind as it lights your green eyes
And an eye to your heart as a coveted prize
My third eye can see you right down to the thighs
Each dark and light detail is visualized
I’ve one eye I’ve hidden and one more eye yet
I see so much more than your mere silhouette
I see you’re a blonde, but there’s part that’s brunette-
I see your dry wit, but there’s part that is wet
I’ve one eye that’s ever so grateful we met
The one eye that’s hidden is racked with regret
I’ve one eye that sees it was always a dream
And one eye that thinks that things are as they seem
I’ve one eye that’s blackened by what lies below
And one eye delighted for light that you show
I’ve one eye for darkness and one for the light
There’s one for below and one up where it’s bright

The Pirate’s Valentine

My ship was at anchor, her carriage was stuck,
As the plague and the storm racked the world
Though safe from the lightning I was thunderstruck
By the grace and the light from this girl
The shelter was brutal, a tavern so low
That the rats had all left it to mice
On Valentine’s Night with the fire aglow,
We were there, I was hers, she was nice.

The Innkeeper’s a brute, but he’ll always stand mute
Keeping secrets held under his sign
Her Coachmen retired, the embers caught fire
With the stealing of this Valentine
And the loves that I’ve had were none to this one
It’s only when at sea that a Pirate’s in the sun
But I never did see any woman to shine
As the one that I stole for my one Valentine

She lent me her body on Valentine’s Day,
I’d give her my heart if I could.
I knew the next morning she’d be on her way
For that Valentine’s night was too good
Her house would not free her, my ship had to sail
The secret was sealed with a kiss-
The weight that we’d fail was too great on the scale
For the fates did not favor our tryst.

The Keeper’s a brute, but he’ll always stand mute
Keeping secrets held under his sign
Her Coachmen retired, the embers caught fire
With the stealing of this Valentine
And the Valentines I’ve had were none to this one
And it’s only when at sea that a Pirate’s in the sun
But I never did see any woman to shine
As the one that I stole for my one Valentine

Her eyes were like sea-glass, her hair honey-gold
Her skin was confection, so sweet
Her lips burned a keyhole right down to my soul
While the storm lashed the roof and the street
This crystal decanter she left me that night
It holds her light, though far away
But I was too dark to expect that she might
Give me more than one Valentine’s Day.


My Regal Wig

We are true, we are valiant
We’ve always been free,
For the beauty that’s tallied
Is more than we see,
And we take from the world
What she chooses to give,
For we wake and unfurl,
And the black flag’s a sieve
For to strain out the falsehoods
That hypocrites rig,
As they quake as they should
At the sight of my wig.

And we fly our own flags,
And we sail our own seas,
We’ve no ties, and no gags,
And no chains, only keys:
For we seek for adventure
To win what is ours,
And you’re one of us sure
If you look to the stars
For the sky is as high and
As deadly and big
As the terror inspired
By my regal wig

We are fierce, we are stunning
With cannons and swords
With our arms, with our cunning
we will vanquish our lords
For we’re rough and we’re fine
And we don’t give a fig,
For their crowns are a hole
Next to my regal wig

You admire my ferocious aspect, do you not?
Of course
And my Regal Wig, of course
I didn’t always have this…this
All this
I was like…you!
& then I woke up
Under a pitiless sun
I was half blind
My right hand was gone
I barely had a leg to stand on
For I’d been cast away. I was marooned
My best mates were dead
The ship sailed without me
I was condemned
Everything was a lie
And if I ever did make it home now
Across measureless oceans
I’d be gibbeted and hung
I had no booty
The gold I’d killed for was buried in an unknown place
And they burned the cursed map
I had no treasure just grievous injuries
And I was adrift and so alone
For even the parrot would not speak to me
So. I was standing hopeless in the crashing surf
It came in with the tide
I thought it was a Portuguese Man-O -War
It was my new wig.
I built a raft. I found a crew.
We stole this ship
The Queen’s Revenge
And so it is:

The treasure is buried
For those that will dig
And the magic I carry
Is under my wig
And the sea may be stormy
The albatross frig,
But the world lays before me
In my regal wig.

The Sea Witch

When a Pirate’s spyglass is trained on the past;
His deeds and the things he’s not done:
That’s the Sea Witch, and all of the spells that she cast
That’s left him becalmed in the Sun:
On a sea that was still, with no sail and no mast,
In the dark of more Dungeons than one,
All the gold that was buried, his mates that have passed,
And the battles and scars from the guns

It’s onward to treasure
Be clever and free
And look to your pleasures
And watch what you see
The Sea Witch can show you
Some faraway dream
And it never was true
For it’s not what it seemed
So train now your glass
On the sea that’s ahead
For all days will pass:
Live your life ’til you’re dead.

All the love that he hoped for to prove with his sword,
To bring back a booty of jewels;
Those hopes were all dashed with no single reward,
For to hope is the treasure of fools.
He’ll stand there transfixed, with his duties ignored,
Looking back like there’s meaning, or rules:
For a Pirate, tomorrow is all that’s aboard,
And all his lost loves are now Ghouls.


He’ll be haunted and still as the ship nears the shoal,
And the enemy’s cannons are trained
On his chance to release from the Sea Witch his soul,
For she holds it in thrall with his brains.
It’s a whirlpool, his ship is not in his control,
The blood is all ice in his veins:
A Pirate can’t dare to regret what he stole,
For the past is the devil’s domain.


In Service to the Queen

It was once that I was handsome
It was once when I was young
I was hard and fast and seventeen
In service to the Queen
I lost my hand to the cannons
I lost my eye to the sword
And I’m sorry for the things I’ve seen
In service to the Queen

In service to the Queen- before
In service to the Queen- no more!
And I swear my revenge
On her ships and her men
In service to the Queen

My children were lost in the battle
My wife was lost in the war
And all of that now is a sad little dream
in service to the Queen
And my body is old and it’s broken
And my mind is a horror of loss
And everything seems kind of small and obscene
in Service to the Queen
For I thought I did her bidding
And I faithful served her well
She asked for my head- it was unforeseen
In service to the Queen
For I’ve been betrayed and cast away
I thought she had a heart
But she’s just a façade on a killing machine
In service to the Queen
And I never will go home now
For I’m truly lost at sea
And all that awaits is that old guillotine
In service to the Queen
But she looked so perfect and pretty
But she’s false and she’s empty and cold
And she’s hollow and worthless; a mere figurine
In service to the Queen

The Empty Bottle

Well, the Rum only asks for one other Rum
And the Grog makes you groggy all day
And the Pale Ale and Wine
It all seems so fine
‘Til you’re pissing your blood all away
Well the Whiskey it risks me so terribly
For it fills me and burns out my soul
Every Port is a storm
And I wish I weren’t born
To be some kind of bottomless hole

And my Treasure Chest is empty
Of my precious golden heart
It was there but now it’s stolen
And the Bottle had its part
And I’ve poured the Bottle endlessly
Upon the burning sands
And I curse the day I found
This empty Bottle in my hand

Well the Sherry we shared was promiscuous,
And the Sack left me deep in the bag
And the Champagne we drank
Pushed me out on the plank
And I’d cry out if not for the gag
It’s a bottle of poison I’m hoisting
It’s a demon uncorked that I’ve found
And the Gin is beginning
To look like it’s winning
It’s high proof I’ve burned to the ground.


The Giant Clam

Drydocked in a Southern port,
The barmaid took my measure.
Threw away my mug of rum,
She offered me a treasure.

Took me to her secret cove,
Eagerly I stripped and dove,
And there below; by all that’s damned-
-‘Twas a giant clam

Every pirate loves a pearl,
It is the Queen of gems;
When the clam is willing
And the ocean lifts its hem.

Glistening with beauty
It is a perfect booty.
You’ll never find in Buckingham
-Such a giant clam

Came up for a breath to say,
That I was quite impressed-
She told me of pearl divers,
I could be the very best,

But she couldn’t tell just yet,
As I’d barely gotten wet.
I said, I’m going down, madam-
-For that giant clam

There’s nothing quite so precious
It is the gem of Queens
Such opalescent glory!
But the clam’s a guillotine

Sure I fear of Davy Jones
Still I’ll raise my skull and bones
And I’ll drink another dram-
-to her giant clam

Don’t Disturb the Captain

Please don’t disturb the Captain
As he takes his blessed nap
On his golden bed, that’s wrapped in
Velvet curtains. Take this map!
Plot our ship a fruitful course
Through rough and rocky seas!
Furthermore, some other chores:
Hoist the mainsail, please!

c: Please-
Don’t disturb the Captain
The Captain’s awful rough
He can’t be more disturbed
He’s been disturbed enough.

Swab the decks! Feed the crew!
And plug the leaks- and dance!
The lido stage awaits you
(And you mustn’t wear your pants)
The captain also cut your pay
Admire his moustache!
Make bondage gear from macrame
To sell for extra cash!
Don’t try to ask the Captain,
Don’t awake him with appeal
The ship would soon be scrapped, in
Moments, should he take the wheel
He may have once known how to sail
But now he sees mirages,
He only works on cocktails
And soliciting massages
Now hark! The Captain rings his bell
For brunch, with much impatience!
Hasten! Cheese and caramels!
-And offer him obeisance!


The Cap’n’s Wafers

Yer sure to be a damn sight safer
If ye keep yer hooks off the
Cap’n’s Wafers…

But thirsty pirates cry to savor
Rum with crumbs of
Cap’n’s Wafers

“Ye saucy wench, go fetch the tray fer
Grog to wash down
Cap’n’s Wafers!”

Fer that booty, pirates gave her
Looted loads of
Cap’n’s Wafers

Buccaneers arr even brave
Swashbuckling under
Cap’n’s Wafers

Mutineers arr sold to slavers
Slavering fer
Cap’n’s Wafers

Natives tricked by sly palaver
Trade their pearls fer
Cap’n’s Wafers

Mermaids sing as they display their
Treasure chests fer
Cap’n’s Wafers

Freebooters groom the beards they favor
Combing out the
Cap’n’s Wafers

At Queen’s decree, the Navy shaves her
Privateers fer
Cap’n’s Wafers!

Yer sure to be a damn sight safer,
If ye keep yer hooks off the
Cap’n’s Wafers.